The day I decide to go off of antidepressants, 100mg, 4/5/10

So I've decided to go off of Zoloft. I'm on 100mg, and have been taking it since around February last year. So it's been 14 months. I wish I had started this blog when I started taking it so that I could compare how I'm feeling now to how I was feeling then. But I have a general sense that the antidepressants have not helped me in the long run. This blog is a personal one. And I'm hoping that its easy access on my computer will make me more likely to write daily than a traditional daily journal would. I'm planning to decrease my dosage by a quarter for a week, so down to 75mg (starting tomorrow). Then by a quarter for the next week, 50mg. Once I'm on 50mg, I will take this for two weeks, getting my body adjusted. Then for another three weeks I will reduce it 25 mg. After a total of these 6 weeks, I'm hoping I can significantly reduce the side effects by spreading out the lower dosages. Each day I will write how I am feeling to track my progress. I know that once I am off of antidepressants I will not be perfect. I will probably cry far too much over the death of animals in books and let it affect me for longer than is reasonable. I will most likely go back to feeling socially anxious and depressed sometimes. But these things I can deal with. It's the deadened, spacey, subtly anxious, unmotivated, detached, fatigued feelings (or lack of feelings) which have been brought on by the antidepressants which I cannot deal with. Life should not be lived in a cloud. I know that there are chemical imbalances in my brain, and that for many, life without antidepressants would not be possible. I am not condoning the usage of antidepressants, simply putting my foot down for my personal sanity. I will deal with the hardships as they come, naturally, and by using the new support system I know am lucky to have in my life (my wonderful boyfriend :)). So here it goes!

I'm awful at writing about how I'm feeling, but I'll try.

-detached

-vaguely sad

-hostile and jealous

-fatigued

-weight gain?

-deadened

-inability to get excited

-pronounced pms

-inability to sink too low in my moods

-unmotivated

-still socially anxious(though not as bad, mostly about group presentations)

-feelings of worthlessness

-pessimistic about the future

-want to do drastic things (change things that I know will not realistically make me happy)

-sense of disconnectedness

-hopelessness

-very low self esteem

-get frustrated easily

-OVERALL, APATHY, HARD TIME CARING ABOUT ANYTHING